Fake Samurai Embarrasses Himself With Log COMBAT | Fake Martial Arts Masters DESTROYED

Reading time: 7 minutes

This video was uploaded by TotallyPointlessTv on his official YouTube channel. Don't forget to check him out, he has some great content and an even greater sense of humor :)
The following article is a transcript of the video above.

Jeffrey Prather is without a doubt one of the most impressive martial arts masters in the world. Ninja, Military man, Bullshitto expert... now, there are no words I could say that are able to embarrass this man quite as much as his own actions are. So, let's just look at some of the footage, and you can really begin to understand what it is that makes this man so special in the world of martial arts.

To begin he's going to show us how to effectively perform a staff takedown, a very difficult move to pull off and one that he does with just sheer perfection. Very, very impressive. Power. You know it's going to be a good move when he decides to slow down the video. The skeptics out there might say "well, all he did was flick a staff at the other man's staff, like it wasn't a complex move. You'd probably have been able to follow that without it".
But to those naysayers I say: a common misconception is that you should always start attacking with your staff in your hands. This is always a mistake! Begin with the stick between your legs, hit it with a little swaggery swooty, and swipe it right across their booty. Then you flick the stick at them.
Now, normally people would be able to hold on to the stick. He's not exactly throwing a concrete pillar onto it. Luckily, if you're attacking a severely disabled elderly man the weight of the stick will make him drop it. It really is a bulletproof plan. Don't forget of course the complimentary ramming of the double sticks up the anus. A man cannot attack if he's a human lollipop.


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My mind is in bits right now. He just destroyed every theory of physics and relativity that I thought I understood. How can a man break out of a vice grip like that around his shoulders? The pandora's box of grips, the chastity belt of a grip, right there, the only thing capable of defeating Thanos is that woman's grip and he manages to break out of it like it's some ass grip. This man is a hero.
He then proceeds to three stooges everyone into themselves. I'm surprised it's not comical whips and bangs and whoops. I mean, that's kind of what he went for, but he managed to stupefy everyone. Look at them, he put them in a human pretzel. What are you supposed to do about that?

Now, the video is supposed to be an instructional video about maintaining a safe distance, but every single hit threw looks like it would have landed. He was in a pretty comfortable heading position, so I don't really follow that one, but maybe that's just my simpleton moronic dumbass brain. I mean, he's got me there. If you're Cratos carrying around half a tree and you lob it on someone's head, you're gonna deal damage, you know? If you're pulling out a Busta sword and dropping it on a dude's cranium, he gonna be going nappy time. So, he's not wrong, he was right, you know? If you drop an oak tree on a man's head when he misses a samurai strike, you'd win that situation. But it feels like a bespoke situation, to have half a boat behind your back at the time you're attacked by a Samurai. Even in the Samurai times having that would setup doesn't feel like something that would normally happen.


10 Fake Masters Officially Getting Destroyed by Real Fighters

What you're witnessing is the ancient Japanese art of comfortably throwing a morning star at a location, after a man has already left to go get his dessert. It's a really important move to master for, I don't know, hitting shadows or killing the dust particles left behind. Now, if there's one thing we love in this channel it's gun disarms, and he doesn't fall short there. Normally I would just say "hey, like, that's dumb, that wouldn't work" but a lot of people criticize me for not putting advanced science and mathematics behind my assumptions. So with this one, I'm fine. Let's do a demonstration.

Here's a bottle of Dettol, um you know, it's vaguely gun-shaped. I don't have an actual gun because I'm from England, and the queen took away our liberties. But you know, you can hold it like a gun. In fairness, that hasn't got a great grip, it's actually pretty hard for me to even hold on like that, you know? That's not an ideal grip holding it like that.
If I were to hit it at pretty much any angle as hard as I can, it still didn't drop. Now, let's imagine you're doing it on a firearm that is ergonomically designed for hand grip and has a hole for you to put your finger in to grasp it better. In what situation is this guy going to be able to knock it out of your hand? I don't see that being possible. Was that an accurate enough scientific explanation for you, or am I still going to get the weeaboos like "you have to fight him to know he's not real"? Yeah, go for a walk. I don't know what you want from me, I'm just trying to make funny videos here.

So, your advanced move is to cut a throat, cut a face in half, and then shove her out of the plane. Bulletproof, I mean, let's be honest. He's a, gosh, down a pig. If she was a hooker he wouldn't have let the face gets damaged, but just because she got a bit of weight it's okay to cut her face up. Shame on you.


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I don't know, I just found this one funny because in half the clip she's just grabbing onto the blade-sharpened end, also in a real-life situation her digits would be gone and she'd have a hard time gripping on any blade. But it's always a tough topic to talk about a young woman in these martial arts videos because of the hypocrisy of some of the viewers. You see, if it was an old man or an overweight person, everyone's like "haha, look at that idiot" but when it's a young woman, it's "uh oh, how dare you, she looks like she's really trying, she could probably kick your ass".

How many people know this, but this is actually the inspiration for that famous movie Cowboy versus Indians versus Ninjas versus United States Ninjas. It's a very important bit of cinematography that paved the way for a lot of modern ninja movies. To finish I want to show a clip that was recommended by one of you lovely commenters, and that is axe weight loss gone wrong.
You know, swinging an axe around that would be good weight loss I guess because it's a heavy object. Even shadow boxing or pad boxing ties you out, so I imagine swinging an axe around is tiring, and it is good weight loss. But this video is just taking things a little bit too far. Now, I can't show the rest of that video clip because it will get demonetized but I can tell you that a fair old splinter and chunk goes through the shield and cuts the man's arm.
This is what happens when a meat head meets a weep head. It is things that go wrong. Those two worlds aren't meant to collide. Now, it doesn't take a genius to know that a blunt object in the shape of an axe being swung heavily at a shield will probably go through the shield and cause some damage to his arm. I think the guy's okay, no harm done, it's just an interesting little video clip to end it on.

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